What's he worth?
Growing up I dreamt of two things - living a life that matters and being married.
Why? I don’t know.
Was it a dream built into my heart by its creator, a dream woven into the biology of my being by evolution and chemicals and cells, or just one instructed by my culture? I don’t know. And I’m not sure it matters. Because whatever its founding it feels like it’s me. Who I am. I suppose I always assumed this meant that even in surrendering all of me to Christ that finding the (a) person to marry was inevitable - a matter of time.
Then when I was nearing my 30th year I came face to face with my deepest fear.
Today I was reading this post on the Your Other Brothers blog, and Aaron included this passage of scripture.
Renounce.
Well, that’s an extreme word isn’t it?
I pulled out my Bible to check what the two versions I generally read said,
”any of you who does not give up everything” reads the NIV.
”if you’re not willing to take what is dearest to you, whether plans or people, and kiss it goodbye.” In the Message.
What is dearest to me? Plans . . . people??
The study/translation notes in my translation say, “Jesus did not want a blind, naive commitment that expected only blessings. As a builder estimates costs or a king evaluates military strength, so a person must consider what Jesus expects of his followers. The cost, Jesus warns, is complete surrender to him.”
Finally I turned to a more recent translation that has become a new favourite of mine - The Passion Translation.
“Unless you surrender all to me . . . . you cannot be one of my disciples”.
And the translation notes state - pulling in the verses that follow -, “Followers of Jesus who are unwilling to pay the price are like worthless salt, unable to affect anyone or anything.”
But let’s also go back a few verses in this section, “When you follow me as my disciple, you must put aside your father, your mother, your wife, your sisters, your brothers, - yes, you will even seem as though you hate your own life. This is the price you’ll pay to be considered one of my followers.”
Wut.
This seems so anti to what I was taught Christians and church should be about.
Aren’t all supposed to be included?
Isn’t it just supposed to be as long as someone can say, “I believe Jesus existed” and BAM they’re in?
But here Jesus says that this costs you everything.
Being his follower is not a decision to be taken lightly, and not everyone is going to choose this life, because it is going to cost you something, and you must be willing to surrender it all. Dreams, loves, hopes, family, riches, meaningful momentos. Even possibly life itself.
“So don’t follow me without considering what it will cost you”
All are welcome.
But the way of Christ comes at a cost.
And Jesus himself says to consider what that cost is. To ask yourself if you’re prepared to surrender all of you and everything you love. Am I?
Am I honestly willing to count the cost?
I’m not sure.
I like to think I am, but each time I have to surrender more of my ways and wants I get faced with the question - am I ready to renounce that hope, that dream, that love to follow? Are you?
You are welcome on this path.
This narrow way.
And life itself, and love itself, and God himself is waiting for you.
But like the parable of the treasure in the field - are you ready to sell everything you have to obtain it?
As Aaron says in his article, “All followers of Christ will find themselves in nearly unbearable conflicts between flesh and spirit; this is the cost of denying ourselves and bearing the cross of Christ. … It’s what Christ forwardly states at the beginning of that passage in Luke — following Him costs everything. Our family, our friends, our jobs, the whole of our lives. … What is Christ’s value to me? He costs everything, yes, but is He worth everything?”
Aaron goes on to talk about his own journey in relationship with Christ. Of asking God if following him would cost him a particular relationship, “asking if He would still be worth following, even if it cost me my dreams. If I could never accept His saying “no” to a husband for me, then why go on asking in the first place?
I am not yet prepared to ask if I’m not ready to follow Him regardless how He answers.
If the answer is no, if I could not follow Him even into celibacy, then the problem is my faith — that Christ isn’t worth everything to me — not my sexuality.”
His story echoes so meaningfully, so painfully my own.
Growing up I dreamt of two things - living a life that matters and being married.
Why? I don’t know.
Was it a dream built into my heart by its creator, a dream woven into the biology of my being by evolution and chemicals and cells, or just one instructed by my culture? I don’t know. And I’m not sure it matters. Because whatever its founding it feels like it’s me. Who I am. I suppose I always assumed this meant that even in surrendering all of me to Christ that finding the (a) person to marry was inevitable - a matter of time.
Then when I was nearing my 30th year I came face to face with my deepest fear.
It presented its dark, overwhelming face in the vulnerability of sleep.
I began waking up in the middle of the night, heart pounding, mind racing, panic coursing through every inch of my body.
What if I never got what I wanted? What if I remain single my whole life? What if no one ever loves me enough to choose to bind themselves to me?
To those of you who marriage came easily, or perhaps whose deepest desires was something other than this - maybe this seems silly.
Ridiculous.
Maybe you’re rolling your eyes.
So what would it be for you?
Having children?
Losing a family member?
Living without the security of a job? Knowing how you’re going to afford the things you need?
A specific dream or job?
And with the help of a wonderful Christian therapist I began the hard work of asking myself, is Christ worth it?
If the cost of following him is submitting the possibility of all I’ve dreamt of my entire life.
If it’s watching the people I’ve loved love others?
If it means I never experience a romantic relationship, being chosen, sex, a first kiss.
Do I honestly believe he is still worth following?
And my answer was yes. And maybe that’s easier to say now at the beginning of my 30s when the dream of finding someone to marry still lingers hopefully in the back corners of my heart then it will be at 40 or 50 or 70. But I hope I find my answer to be yes, no matter the cost.
I hope I, like Jesus told his other disciples before me, have considered what it will cost me, and found myself willing to pay the price. Found that he truly is the treasure worth selling everything else for.
WHAT’S A DREAM THAT YOU’VE ALWAYS HAD? SOMETHING THAT FEELS LIKE YOU WERE BUILT SPECIFICALLY FOR THIS, OR THAT IT JUST ‘IS’ YOU? LET ME KNOW IN A COMMENT
Digest #2
WEEK 2
A compilation of things that stood out to me and thoughts that I had.
DAY 1
1. TIM MACKIE - COMPELLED: SPEAKING & LIVING THE GOSPEL
Tim Mackie is one of my favourite people to listen to when it comes to understanding the Bible. He is thoughtful, and quirky and interesting to listen to, but also incredibly well educated. He’s a master at taking big ideas and making them understandable.
In this video, he did the best job of explaining what the good news the Bible claims to share is, as well as hell. In doing so he also inadvertently answers the question, “How could a good God send people to hell?” Please take an hour and watch this. In undermining the common representation of the good news, at least in western cultures, he reopens the hope the good news truly brings. The Kingdom of Heaven has come.
2. THIS THREAD BY MUSICIAN ANDY SQUYERS.
In it he talks about how worship/church songs need to incorporate deep theology so that in the moments when life hits us, we have something to hold onto. He compares the book of Psalms to how we should be writing our corporate music.
Day 4
1. EXCESS & INDIVIDUALISM - BRIDGETOWN CHURCH
Individualism causes “our desires and needs and stories to exist in a vacuum independant of our families and communities and the generations before us . . . In the story of the Bible, there is no paradigm for individualism … They understand their identity as woven into the group or the tribe or the people.”
2. THIS INTERVIEW WITH PRESTON SPRINKLE ON THE USE OF THE WORD “HOMOSEXUAL” IN MODERN TRANSLATIONS OF THE BIBLE
Not everyone is super interested in the ongoing conversation of Biblical ethics and sexuality, but for anyone who is, I often recommend Preston Sprinkle’s book - People To Be Loved. In it I think Preston tries to give a fair representation of the arguments for traditional sexual ethic, as well as for the more modern, affirming sexual ethic.
In this interview, Preston discusses one of the topics/arguments that he covers in his book - is “homosexual” an accurate translation in 1 Corinthians 6:9, and 1 Timothy.
3. JOHN LENNOX SPEAKING ABOUT AI
In this tweet, John Lennox is talking about advances in AI. But what really stood out to me was this one sentence in the middle where he is talking about the tension of privacy and security - “We need to resolve this tension by applying to the issue our value system.” And I just think that’s a wise word for all of us, but especially for Christians. Every time you come to a point where a tension needs to be resolved, lets go back to our value system, founded in the worldview presented by the Bible, to resolve where that tension should land.
Day 5
1. THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON GOD - THE HOLY POST PODCAST
“The strongest motive in the human brain is attachment - it’s who we love that forms our identity in the brain, it shapes our ideas much faster. We’re much more changed by who we love than what we believe.”
“Who we love becomes the examples that we incorporate as who I am, and how I’m supposed to operate, and where I like to go, and how I typically think, and those reactions that we typically call character - the way we react before we can think of what we would like to consciously do. . . . In adults, our attachment to our group is what’s going to form our responses to life, before we have the chance to consciously think about what we want to do.”
“Heresy always involves bad ideas, but could it also involve defective loves?”
“Attachment is the way your brain finds out, what gives me life? We attach to what feeds us.”
“After food, the next thing that forms attachment is joy.” You will attach to those who are super glad to see you, and whom you’re super glad to see.”
What have you read, listened to, watched, etc. this week that made you think?
Digest #1
I used to share a lot of the content I consume and come across in my Instagram Story, but recently I’ve come to wonder if perhaps this is annoying to people who follow me but aren’t super interested in the areas that I like to think deeply about. So for now I think I’m going to post my thoughts in posts here in my blog so that it’s available for those who are interested, but isn’t constantly popping up in the feeds of those who aren’t interested. 😊
I used to share a lot of the content I consume and come across in my Instagram Story, but recently I’ve come to wonder if perhaps this is annoying to people who follow me but aren’t super interested in the areas that I like to think deeply about. So for now I think I’m going to post my thoughts in posts here in my blog so that it’s available for those who are interested, but isn’t constantly popping up in the feeds of those who aren’t interested. 😊
Week 1
Day 4
1. I have loved Jon Foreman’s work since my teen years, but as I’ve grown, I’ve really come to appreciate deeply not only his music, but also the depth of his lyrics. Then when the internet happened, I began to watch interviews, read his written pieces, and have come to appreciate his depth, thoughtfulness and way of seeing and interacting with both God and the world
Today I watched this interview.
He tells this story of being in the card aisle, and from the aisle next to him this voice begins to sing these powerful words:
Show me an athlete who can run fast,
and ask him how he got his speed,
he’ll tell you, I’ve suffered.Show me a writer who has a bold voice,
and ask him how he got that,
he’ll tell you, I’ve suffered.Any culture that makes it their end to avoid pain is doomed
Jon continues with the interview, “Maybe there is something in the chaos, in the dissonance, that is useful.”
God doesn’t need a lawyer. Your job is to be honest. As a believer, when you look back through the scripture, there are parts that - if I was God’s PR team, there are parts that I would take this part out. It doesn’t make anyone look good, and no one needs to read that.
Later he shares about going to a live concert, and due to an electrical storm the power went out. But the musician came on stage and performed acoustic. He continues:
I remember thinking, when I go to a show, or any event, I go to see a hero. When you go to a baseball game, or whatever it is, you go to see a hero be a hero, and I realize that for that to happen, there has to be adversity. There has to be something that goes wrong, and you have to fight for it to be right. . . . In music, you set the stage. You have people who make sure everything is in tune, everything is right. And maybe that denies any possibility of a hero until something goes wrong.
And I find myself thinking - maybe this is life too.
All of us want to participate in these epic, adventure filled lives, where we’re either the hero - or we’re hero adjacent. Maybe we’re not Frodo, but we at least want to be Sam - or one of the other members of the Fellowship of the Ring. But , maybe we spend so much time avoiding adversity, and only in adversity can we actually overcome and triumph. Only in our interactions with adversity can we actually become heroes.
2. This video about what the gospel is is so beautiful Such a great overview. 🥰
3. THIS POST FROM DAVID BENNETT ON BEING A PILGRIM ON EARTH
You know, just briefly returning to the idea that we belong to a different kingdom.
Day 5
2. This video on Paul Vanderklay’s channel about monotheism that the Hebrew Bible presents compared to it’s neighbour’s polytheistic religions.
[In the Hebrew Bible] morality is seen as conforming to the will of God.
God is known not through nature, but through history. He’s known through his actions in the world through historical time and his relationship with a historical people.
3.
Day 6
1. MATT & LAURIE KRIEG: BEFORE WE SWITCH TO AN AFFIRMING WORLDVIEW OF MARRIAGE AND SEXUALITY
Laurie and Matt Krieg do a lot of work in the area of marriage and sexuality. They live in a mixed orientation marriage, and would like anyone who is considering switching to an affirming worldview to think about three specific things, which they share in this short video. I know that in my life, I’ve seen a lot of people - friends, local churches, Christian celebrities - switching to an affirming view of sexuality, and it has been really challenging for me, and maybe I’ll share some of why that has been challenging in the future, but for now I’ve just seen a lot of Laurie’s first point in action.
This point was that it sometimes seems like we’re only being given two options 1. have an affirming worldview and be loving, or 2. hold to a historical Christian worldview and be hateful. She suggests that these are not the only options. That those who hold to a historic worldview can be loving, should be loving, and should work to build communities that allow people to hold to an orthodox view of marriage/sex without being lonely/miserable/without family.
I know that as a single person, this is what I need too. I see the modern idea of marriage and sexuality slip into people’s conversations with me. When they hear that I long to be married but am not, they will often say things like, “Well if you don’t want to be single, just go on more dates”, “you need to be actively pursuing what you want”, “have you tried online dating? Asking your friends to set you up? Singles groups? etc.”. And honestly I’m not innately opposed to any of these (and honestly have tried most of them at some point), but what I am opposed to is that marriage is something for me to obtain. That this is my decision to make, and I get to choose for myself.
Honestly, as a Christian, this just isn’t true.
My life became not my own the moment I gave it to Christ and the work of the kingdom. Paul says that we’re “slaves” to Christ (1 Corinthians 7:22 & 23) - ironically this section of Paul’s letter is all about marriage and singleness and living out the call of God whichever your status. “Keeping God’s commands is what counts,” he says.
Over and over throughout the Bible there is this theme of kingdom and God as sovereign ruler of all. Currently I live in a type of democracy. I have a ton of rights and seem to have the freedom to make decisions. Monarchies, and specifically Theocracies are not this way. As citizens of these kingdoms, you do not have sole reign of your life. The day I chose Christ, I chose his kingdom, and my life is not my own. Whether I remain single for all my years, or marry, this decision is God’s to make. I belong to him. And besides, “this world in its present form is passing away” and one day we will have no need for the metaphor of marriage because we will have what the metaphor points to - union with God.
So before you tell me “to go on more dates” or before you say that a traditional view of marriage is inherently damaging for gay people, please ask yourself “as someone who belongs to God, how can I best encourage the person in front of me in the particular purpose God has for them and their role in the church/kingdom?”
Watch Matt & Laurie’s video here.
And that’s week 1. A collection of things that made me think and thoughts that I had. Let me know in a comment if there’s anything that really made you think this week!
Wiedemann Family 2019
Throwing it back to October of 2019 to share my family’s annual photos.
Throwing it back to October of 2019 to share my family’s annual photos.
I come from what Canada deems a “large” family with four younger sisters and a brother, as well as now two brother-in-laws and a niece, so figuring out a date for family photos comes with a ton of conflicts, re-organization, and generally some tears. But eventually we all find ourself in a single place wearing a non-clashing, if not actually matching, colour scheme.
This year my mom used our family photos as an excuse to explore her love of history, and as golden hour approached, we found ourselves outside a castle-like structure in the Hamilton region.
Portraits
Pachrick
Hannah
Eve
Acacia
Beth
Allysin
Kyle
Roxanne
Family
Wiedemann Family
Siblings
The Van Ysseldyk Family
The Martin Family
Mom & Dad
Odds & Sods
Part of what makes photographing your own family fun is ending up with all sorts of unexpected photos. They’re not portraits, they’re not really group photos - they’re the behind the scenes moments of what was happening as your family hung out between poses.
Favourites || March
I’m sitting in my living room on a gloomy, chilly Holy Saturday (the day between Good Friday and Easter), a cup of coffee at my side, and the latest Ask N.T. Wright Anything - Qs About Crucifixion - playing on my phone.
Covid-19 has had Canada in isolation for the past three or four weeks now, so the times are different than I ever would have expected.
Putting this out a bit late - it’s almost mid-April.
I’m sitting in my living room on a gloomy, chilly Holy Saturday (the day between Good Friday and Easter), a cup of coffee at my side, and the latest Ask N.T. Wright Anything - Qs About Crucifixion - playing on my phone.
Covid-19 has had Canada in isolation for the past three or four weeks now, so the times are different than I ever would have expected.
And my sister, Hannah, has moved in with her cat to keep me and my cat company.
We’ve been planning what kind of plants I’m going to put on my balcony this year, and I placed an order for seeds . . . . I ordered way more than I probably need, but I think this year calls for the hope that planting a garden needs and brings.
To plant a garden is to believe in tomorrow
- Audrey Hepburn
I’m sure I will share tons of things from my garden throughout the spring and summer. 😊
I also want to be more specific about the things that have stood out to me, or brought learning or joy to me each month, but this one has only a couple things that have affected me in good ways this past month.
Father Brown
A British TV series, set in the 50s, about a Catholic priest who solves murder mysteries?? Yes Please!
By this point we’re all aware that I love watching these types of shows. A pg-13 show about a loveable cast of characters solving crime. This one comes complete with Mark Williams playing the main character. You might remember Mark as one of the bad guys in the 90’s live action 101 Dalmatians, or Mr. Weasley in Harry Potter. As Father Brown he comes across as endearing - warm, wise and upright.
I was impressed by the way this show treated the Catholic/Christian faith. Although I don’t hold to all the beliefs depicted, and some of the episodes depicted members of the church’s leadership as criminal, or certain beliefs as outdated, overall they treated the church and its beliefs with respect.
My favourite thing about this show though is the communal aspect of the main character’s lives. Father Brown, his housekeeper (Mrs. McCarthy), their rich neighbour (Lady Felicia), and her chauffeur/handyman (Sid) form a tight knit friend group who live so intertwined so that although none of them are romantically involved, and none of them are blood family - they are constantly there for one another. They have tough conversations where they question each others decisions, morals and beliefs, but they also laugh and show up for one another, making sure everyone is cared for (and we see this care extend to other parishioners and the town) despite their differences. As much as I love a good romance, I think it does my heart and life good to see other models for close, fulfilling relationships - especially as in the case of Father Brown who chooses to live a fully celibate life as a sign of devotion to God. Thank you to the writers of Father Brown for taking this seriously and not having it appear as a lonely, cursed life, nor as something that a priest is not capable of truly abiding by.
Anyway - British accents, endearing characters, interesting cases, random 50s historical facts, as well as being based on a series of short stories by G.K. Chesterton . . . I definitely enjoyed this watch.
Ranunculus
Last year I received a bouquet that included some ranunculus, and instantly I fell in love.
So this year to brighten up a gloomy March I bought a whole bouquet of them from The Watering Can.
The Model Prayer
More commonly known as The Lord’s Prayer or the Our Father, a friend of mine recently passed on this version - and I love it. I’ve spent the last several weeks learning it and praying it.
Born Again This Way by Rachel Gilson
I wrote an entire post dedicated to this book, so if you’re interested in reading it, you can find it here. If you’ve read it yourself, please leave a comment and let me know your thoughts!
